


The Escapades of the Blind Bandit and Meathead: Punchline

by ArtemisRae



Series: Escapades of the Blind Bandit and Meathead [9]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Drunkenness, Gen, Shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-05-31
Updated: 2007-05-31
Packaged: 2017-10-03 19:29:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArtemisRae/pseuds/ArtemisRae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Toph and Sokka are unamused to discover that they're the butt of the joke.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Escapades of the Blind Bandit and Meathead: Punchline

* * *

"Now this, _this_ is what it's like to actually come home," Toph sighed in contentment as she slid into place at the bar, already signaling the bartender to them.

"Your father is going to be horrified. He's gonna yell at us again," Sokka pointed out. The pair was in Gaoling, visiting her parents before continuing east towards Ba Sing Se. There had been an awkward lunch, then an even more awkward dinner, and then Toph and Sokka had finally slipped out, heading towards the center of town where the local favorite tavern was located; it was a popular hangout for Earth Rumble gossip and teeming with fellow Earthbenders. They made a point of visiting every time they came through Gaoling; Toph's name was legendary - not her _family_ name, she'd gushed enthusiastically after their first visit, "The Blind Bandit", the name she _created_ \- and Sokka was regularly star struck when some of his favorite Rumblers came drinking through.

"He'll be completely appalled," Toph agreed, "But he'll probably only yell at you this time. He's pretty much given up on me - now I think he just wants to blame people _for_ me."

Sokka wisely chose not to point out that most of the trouble they landed in was usually Toph's fault.

Two hours later found Toph and Sokka sitting in a circle with several other patrons, drinking ale and playing cards and trading stories. At some point, several other patrons turned into a good dozen or two, spread out over three tables, enough that two different card games were running and it was near impossible to communicate from one side of the table to the other over all the chatter. Trading stories morphed into several rousing choruses of Toph's favorite drinking song, and then slid easily into exchanging bawdy jokes.

"And then she said, _that's not my waterskin_!" Their entire half of the table burst out laughing, though Sokka strongly suspected a few of the more drunker men didn't exactly get the joke and just enjoyed the opportunity to laugh hard and out loud, something that wasn't always afforded to them during the war.

Just as they were starting to settle down, the young man on the other side of Sokka - Hui, a newer recruit who'd insisted on going by "The Mad Badgermole" and had only taken part in the most recent Earth Rumble and been absolutely dismantled - started telling a joke to the men on the other side of him.

"So a guy with a boomerang and a blind earthbender walk into a bar-"

That was as far as he got; the men he'd been telling the joke to started laughing again, having clearly heard the joke before, and Toph, who's hearing had always been more acute than others, reached across Sokka - who's jaw had dropped at the word "boomerang" - and grabbed Hui by the shirt collar.

"What did you just say?!" Toph demanded, still half in Sokka's lap, her fists curled in Hui's shirt.

For a moment Hui was in shock, mouthing at Toph like a dying fish, and then suddenly his eyes widened as understanding dawned. "I-you-"

"What's the punchline?" she snarled, shaking him.

Sokka's brain suddenly snapped back into motion. "Hey, hey, hey," he said easily, sticking a palm in Toph's face and pushing her back, forcing to her let go of Hui. "Let's all just calm down-"

Unfortunately, when Toph let go of Hui, he rocked back, upsetting his chair and going heels over head, clattering to the floor as if someone had shoved him. Most of the men barely batted an eye, except for the two that Hui had been telling the joke to in the first place, who suddenly had a look in their eyes that indicated Sokka was now no more than a fresh piece of meat, and they, _they_ were the butchers.

For all of his enthusiasm for the Earth Rumble tournaments, Sokka was perfectly happy to remain in the stands, hooting and hollering and throwing rocks when they sprayed out into the crowd.

Getting involved in a brawl in the middle of a bar with a bunch of Earth Rumble participants loosed all at once - which is precisely what happened when Hui managed to pull himself up and his two friends jumped Sokka, only to have Toph step in to defend him - was, well, pretty much what it sounded like. A total free-for-all, with all the earthbenders trying to beat each other up at once, except with much less rock chucking and more fist throwing; Sokka found that he didn't have a champion to root for as much as he had a fervent desire to get out of the bar alive.

Glass was breaking all around him, clinking on the ground, and chairs were being smashed; Sokka tried his best to stick by Toph, as he usually did, but the Rumblers were all _really_ _big guys_, and while Toph wasn't afraid of them, Sokka kinda was, especially once he learned that there wasn't much of a difference between their Rumble-persona and their real life personality.

The next day no one would be sure how the fire started - most everybody was going to be inclined to blame the Fire Nation Man, despite the fact that he was a Gaoling native and could firebend no more than he could fit into a pair size-2 pants, and Sokka secretly remembered about how Iroh had once shown Toph how she could easily start a fire with a dirty rag shoved into a bottle of rum - but at the time, no one cared much how it started when the smoke started pouring out of the bar, clouding the room and starting a stampede for the door.

Sokka stumbled into the cold night air, gasping for breath and disappointingly sobered up, looking frantically for Toph through the herd of large, angry, semi-terrified men.

He was quickly shoved to the side, beating down the odd, irrational thought of the just how angry the Bei Fongs were going to be when they heard about this. The ground shifted dangerously under his feet, rocking him forward, and he could hear a distinctly feminine voice bellowing over the grumble of males in the fresh night air. He sighed with relief as he knew without a doubt that Toph was out of the bar and safe, and probably continuing a fight with someone; bells were starting to ring from the outskirts of town, signalling the arrival of the Fire Brigade.

Several yards off from the teeming mass of people sat Hui, curled up on the ground, watching the blazing bar with a dazed look on his face. Sokka looked at him for a moment, then reached out and prodded him hard in the shoulder.

"Hey!" he called sharply. Hui started from the rough treatment and blinked blearily at Sokka, ineffectually licking at a bloodied lip. "How did that joke end anyway?"

Hui blinked.

"You know," Sokka snapped impatiently. "A guy with a boomerang and a blind earthbender walk into a bar. How did it end?"

Hui shrugged and turned his attention back to the scene in front of him. "The bar was destroyed."

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This could easily be subtitled "Or, the author has been reading too many Chuck Norris jokes." I am unashamed.


End file.
